Superband Seeks Gigs

By: Matthew Simcox

San Francisco, CA -- The SatireSite has learned that a new "superband" is going to begin touring in the United States, Europe, and Canada.

A throwback to the bygone days of the long-haired soft sound of mind-easing mood music, Yanni G, hopes to capitalize on the turmoil and strife that the world presents today.

"This partnership of musical genius couldn't come at a better time," Arista Records producer, Randy Daly said. "What with the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and with the devastation left in the wake of the hurricanes, their music can inspire thousands to feel better about themselves."

Yanni G, the combination of the world famous Yanni and Kenny G, will begin their tour in San Francisco, CA, with stops in such notable places as Vancouver, BC; Joplin, MO; Houston's Montrose District; Stockholm, Sweden; Oslo, Norway; Paris, France; and Barcelona, Spain.

A superband is a group of musicians, coming together for what is usually a short term arrangement. Each member of the group must be world reknowned in his own right for the group to be a superband.

"Ever since my concert at the Acropolis, I have wanted to do something big, but I could never think of anything. Then my friend, G, approached me about playing a concert tour with him. I just couldn't pass it up. In our industry, you don't get bigger than Kenny G. He's an icon," Yanni said breathlessly.

The sought-after demographic to their concerts is middle-aged women with pan-Hellenic notions, middle-aged men with women with pan-Hellenic notions, and middle-aged men who would like a good chuckle.

"I think we can pack any stadium that we can book." Kenny G said through his publicist.

CNN Roughs Up Wrong Danger

By: Matthew Simcox

Washinton D.C. -- The Clinton News Network has reportedly discredited a Jonesboro, AR farmer by the name of Abel Danger.

The news organization has asserted that Mr. Danger knew of terrorist activity in the United States and abroad and failed to report it to the appropriate authorities.

When asked to comment on why CNN has exposed this man, they responded with, "Mr. Abel Danger, as a farmer in rural Arkansas, is particularly well poised to hear of anti-government plots. Furthermore, as an Arkansan, he has a direct line to former president Bill Clinton. When he failed to help U.S. intelligence thwart the 9/11 attacks, he failed us all."

Mr. Danger never expected CNN to come down on him so harshly, much less at all. "I was surprised as anyone to see my sun and wind-burned face on CNN. I really don't know how CNN linked me to any special knowledge of terrorism, but I promise I don't, didn't, and never will have such knowledge. The only anti-government talk I ever hear is at the barber shop, where no one grows a beard more than 2 inches. "

CNN has since retracted their original story, but sources within the organization state that the brass at the top are still snooping around Mr. Danger's farm.

It has been confirmed that Abel Danger is, in fact, a republican who voted for Mr. Bush in 2000 and 2004.