CNN Roughs Up Wrong Danger
By: Matthew Simcox
Washinton D.C. -- The Clinton News Network has reportedly discredited a Jonesboro, AR farmer by the name of Abel Danger.
The news organization has asserted that Mr. Danger knew of terrorist activity in the United States and abroad and failed to report it to the appropriate authorities.
When asked to comment on why CNN has exposed this man, they responded with, "Mr. Abel Danger, as a farmer in rural Arkansas, is particularly well poised to hear of anti-government plots. Furthermore, as an Arkansan, he has a direct line to former president Bill Clinton. When he failed to help U.S. intelligence thwart the 9/11 attacks, he failed us all."
Mr. Danger never expected CNN to come down on him so harshly, much less at all. "I was surprised as anyone to see my sun and wind-burned face on CNN. I really don't know how CNN linked me to any special knowledge of terrorism, but I promise I don't, didn't, and never will have such knowledge. The only anti-government talk I ever hear is at the barber shop, where no one grows a beard more than 2 inches. "
CNN has since retracted their original story, but sources within the organization state that the brass at the top are still snooping around Mr. Danger's farm.
It has been confirmed that Abel Danger is, in fact, a republican who voted for Mr. Bush in 2000 and 2004.
Washinton D.C. -- The Clinton News Network has reportedly discredited a Jonesboro, AR farmer by the name of Abel Danger.
The news organization has asserted that Mr. Danger knew of terrorist activity in the United States and abroad and failed to report it to the appropriate authorities.
When asked to comment on why CNN has exposed this man, they responded with, "Mr. Abel Danger, as a farmer in rural Arkansas, is particularly well poised to hear of anti-government plots. Furthermore, as an Arkansan, he has a direct line to former president Bill Clinton. When he failed to help U.S. intelligence thwart the 9/11 attacks, he failed us all."
Mr. Danger never expected CNN to come down on him so harshly, much less at all. "I was surprised as anyone to see my sun and wind-burned face on CNN. I really don't know how CNN linked me to any special knowledge of terrorism, but I promise I don't, didn't, and never will have such knowledge. The only anti-government talk I ever hear is at the barber shop, where no one grows a beard more than 2 inches. "
CNN has since retracted their original story, but sources within the organization state that the brass at the top are still snooping around Mr. Danger's farm.
It has been confirmed that Abel Danger is, in fact, a republican who voted for Mr. Bush in 2000 and 2004.
posted by Matthew Simcox | 2:57 PM
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