VP Cheney Inexplicably Tries to Whack Only Republican in Austin
By: Matthew Simcox
Austin, TX -- The man who once said that he was "a Republican before it was cool to be a Republican in Texas" is now in stable condition in a Corpus Christi hospital after being shot by Vice President Dick Cheney on a south Texas hunting expedition. Seventy-eight year old Austin lawyer, Harry Whittington found himself on the short end of a round of bird shot.
Cheney, a huge fan of HBO's The Sopranos, affected an Italian-American accent during the hunting trip according to many of his companions. "He was playing like he was a gangster from that show, whacking the quails with each shot. He would say things like, 'Sadaam, you're whacked' or 'Kim Jong Il is whacked'," an unnamed companion said.
Things went wrong with dictator, President Mahmud Ahmadi-Nejad of Iran. As Mahmud Ahmadi-Nejad was about to be whacked, Whittington walked in front and got a blast to the face.
SatireSite was able to get a quote from Vice President Cheney after the incident. "Harry [Whittington] is a very close personal friend of mine, and I feel absolutely awful about shooting him. I'm so glad that he is going to fully recover because Travis County would have no republicans if he had gone down and stayed down. That being said, I hope that he takes the message back to the county that I will whack the Democrats, terrorists, dictators, and carnies - the democrats only figuratively whacked, of course."
In related news, the sixth season of The Sopranos will debut on March 12 at 9/8c on HBO.
Austin, TX -- The man who once said that he was "a Republican before it was cool to be a Republican in Texas" is now in stable condition in a Corpus Christi hospital after being shot by Vice President Dick Cheney on a south Texas hunting expedition. Seventy-eight year old Austin lawyer, Harry Whittington found himself on the short end of a round of bird shot.
Cheney, a huge fan of HBO's The Sopranos, affected an Italian-American accent during the hunting trip according to many of his companions. "He was playing like he was a gangster from that show, whacking the quails with each shot. He would say things like, 'Sadaam, you're whacked' or 'Kim Jong Il is whacked'," an unnamed companion said.
Things went wrong with dictator, President Mahmud Ahmadi-Nejad of Iran. As Mahmud Ahmadi-Nejad was about to be whacked, Whittington walked in front and got a blast to the face.
SatireSite was able to get a quote from Vice President Cheney after the incident. "Harry [Whittington] is a very close personal friend of mine, and I feel absolutely awful about shooting him. I'm so glad that he is going to fully recover because Travis County would have no republicans if he had gone down and stayed down. That being said, I hope that he takes the message back to the county that I will whack the Democrats, terrorists, dictators, and carnies - the democrats only figuratively whacked, of course."
In related news, the sixth season of The Sopranos will debut on March 12 at 9/8c on HBO.
posted by Matthew Simcox | 11:26 AM
1 Comments:
We miss the satire! Where are you, Matthew?
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